PROVEN GUIDELINES FOR GODLY DATING (Part one)

Some Christians feel that children of God should not date at all. But that, as many would agree, is an untenable position. The more prevalent dilemma is that many young believers are caught between pleasing God in their relationships with the opposite sex and going the way of the world. Some sincerely want to do the right thing but don’t know how. To address this issue, I invited a young Christian woman that I admire, Miracle Nwokedi, to write a guest post on it. Miracle is an author and a graduate of Mass Communication from Nnamdi Azikiwe University, Awka. (You can read her bio at the end of the post.) Miracle has drawn from the Scriptures and her personal experience before she got married in crafting a rich resource for today’s Christian youth on this controversial, yet unavoidable, topic. This post will also come in handy for parents, teachers and guardians as they seek to direct the youths. I am most grateful to her for sharing with us and I pray that God will use her more and more through writing and speaking that edifies His children. I also pray for abundant blessings in her personal life and on her family in Jesus’ name. It is illogical to think that young Christians do not aspire to relate closely with the opposite sex and it is unrealistic to tell them not to. I mean, as young Christians meet one another in church units, youth programmes, camps or even in non-Christian gatherings, they begin to share some connection. Just a little connectedness, and the desire for that special somebody who would stay closer, inspire, push and keep them straight starts to burn. At least, that’s the best way we can put it. Who Should Date? The idea to date should come from a mature mind ready to grab and grapple with everything that comes with dating. And by mature, I’m not referring to age because the age to begin dating is relative. I am talking about emotional, psychological and spiritual maturity to mention but a few. While we have established that the age to begin dating is relative, individuals who have not had a full grasp of who they really are, what they want, why they are here (on earth) and where they are going, who most often would be caught somewhere between preteen and early teenage are not encouraged to date. Dating will mostly look appropriate when the individuals involved, though young, are looking seriously to settling down together and in the nearest future. Most Essential Ground Rule for Godly Dating For a God-honouring and enriching relationship, there should be strict obedience to God’s word on purity – in thoughts, words and deeds. Purity in Thoughts “Guard you heart with all diligence”(Proverbs 4:23 KJV). The mind of every young Christian is a battle field. Ungodly thoughts are almost always something they inadvertently find themselves entertaining. There is a tendency that as young Christians strive to be sexually pure in their bodies, it becomes too much of a hard work putting a tight leash on the warring thoughts. But thoughts do not come from a vacuum. They usually spark off from the music they listened to, the movie they watched, conversations they had or just something they had read. The eye is the lamp of the body (Luke 11:34). You can make a covenant with your eyes for the Lord (Job 31:1). And think of things that are right, pure, noble, lovely and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8). Purity in Words “Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, not cut them out” (Colossians 4:6 MSG). Our tongues have been sanctified, consecrated to God. The words that they speak must aim at lifting, building and edification. The purest of words, seasoned and spoken to our partners with grace can heal, inspire and bring hope in despairing times. Words have incredible power and the survival of a relationship can depend on the words expressed in it. Let every word be tasted as you speak to each other. “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth” (Ephesians 4:29). Words have been employed amongst young Christians to emasculate, shame and run down their partners’ self-esteem. That does not measure up to God’s standard of relating with someone. Besides, foul and suggestive words in the name of being trendy have been used by young Christians to speak defilement into the lives of their partners without knowing it. Purity in Deeds So often, young Christians in a relationship are pressured to start kindling fires that would burn rather than keep them warm. There are too many emotions coursing through them, trying to find expression in their bodies. But yielding to fleshly lust can never be a natural way to express love.The truth still remains that every action and inaction in dating among Christian youths must be in pursuit of righteousness, clear-conscience and the ultimate good. During my days in the university, a young sister tried so much to mix the Scriptures with the patterns of the world and head-knowledge. She disputed the need for sexual purity. “How do we know we are sexually compatible and that we can satisfy each other in marriage if we don’t get to ‘test out’ while we are dating?” she asked. As logical as that sounds, it reveals a lack of trust in God and self-deception. Self-deception in the sense that one feels that sexual compatibility is the most important basis for marital fulfillment and that disobedience to the clear word of God can lead to marital bliss. For instance, spouses can have great sex and yet lie to and cheat on each other, and this can result from the evil seed sown when sexual boundaries were trespassed through premarital sex.